As I sit on my couch sipping on my umpteenth cup of coffee for the day, I find myself watching ‘Annie Hall’ for the 1,403rd time (or something like that) in an attempt to find some inspiration to write this blog. I do much the same thing with regards to my artwork; I reflect on personal experiences and seek out things from which to draw inspiration and, subsequently, fuel creativity. I suppose that is the- dare I say- romantic in me. And there is that word rearing its ugly head: ‘romance.’ Honestly, choosing ‘Romantic Relationships in Early Adulthood’ as my topic was a relatively easy decision. After all, it would be a pretty safe assumption that I do not discuss any other topic half as much as ‘relationships,’ specifically those of the romantic variety (and I am interested in everything…literally). I suppose that fact alone proves just how relevant relationships truly are to someone my age. Why is that? Why do we need those ‘eggs,’ as Woody so eloquently puts it? Over the next few weeks, I will attempt to answer that question along with many others.
Let us begin this little foray by going back to early July, when one of my closest friends returned home after spending a couple of years overseas. We had a lot of catching up to do and- until a couple of weeks ago when he moved again- we hung out virtually every night. Now understand this: we are a couple of openly pretentious blokes who generally kick off a night by reaffirming the fact that we know everything there is to know about everything- politics, film (‘European Neo-Realism’ just rolls off my tongue with such ease these days), the human condition…well, just pick your topic. We would then drive aimlessly around this small, boring town until the wee hours of the morning, depriving ourselves of sleep while we acquiesced in feelings of mid-twenties discontentment. However, regardless of the subject at hand our conversations would somehow, and unfailingly, lead to girls and relationships. We usually began these discussions by rehashing our experiences of heartbreak and missed opportunities (well, perceived ones anyway) and talking about the cute girl at the coffee shop and whether Scarlett Johansson might just be the most beautiful woman on the planet (which she is not). We would then conclude that we are not quite as chivalrous as we were in our younger days, and that has to be the fault of the girls who have come into and out of our lives (we could not possibly be to blame for anything). From there, we moved on to discuss the complexities and meanings of relationships and we asked ourselves: do we even need these damned things to be fulfilled? With all the misery and suffering they bring, surely we do not. Nope. Not us. We would then proceed to fancy ourselves as a couple of cold, hardened cynics who are devoid of all emotion- both of us are Bogart in ‘Casablanca’ (well, the first three-quarters of it, at least) and we ‘throw away women,’ as Louie tells us. But one random night a funny thing happened: I reached for my treasured Jeff Buckley CD, popped it in the CD player, and passionately sang (and/or screamed) along to ‘Lover, You Should’ve Come Over’ at such a high decibel rate it is miraculous my car windows are still intact. Then something dawned on me: I am absolutely full of it. I am nothing but a phony who tries with every ounce of my being to transform myself into something I am not. Despite how efficient I might have become at hiding it, I am still that seventeen year old starry-eyed, idealistic boy. Man, I hate that boy! I was at a crossroads: I could continue to fight myself or I could embrace who I am. I decided to continue the fight (I also suspected my friend was fighting the same battle as I). But by this point in the conversation our minds were tired and confused. We were now left with the realization that we know absolutely nothing about relationships. If we could find someone who did, we needed their advice because we were obviously not as smart as we thought we were, now were we?
Because I apparently know absolutely nothing about my favorite thing to talk about, I really welcome this assignment with open arms. Throughout its duration I plan to reflect upon personal experiences to discuss various aspects of romantic relationships in early adulthood. That is the point of utilizing the ‘Life Course Perspective’, right? To examine life events and the actions of evil, evil girls and see how they helped form my perspective on relationships (I kid). And you, the reader, will be treated to brutally honest commentary from a male's perspective on relationships. In addition to my personal views, I will implement research to examine contextual factors which impact relationships. Overall, it is just my hope that I can provide some valuable insight into relationships in early adulthood (okay, maybe I know a little bit about the topic). After all, I now have a clear mind and might not be so inclined to succumb to behaviors such as objectifying women. Anger and bitterness do funny things to a person, but the emotions have long simmered down from- you guessed it- a failed relationship. Until next time…
8 comments:
Well Kipp
First of all, while I love Annie Hall I don't think it can stand up to Hannah and Her Sisters in my book. I look forward to reading your blog and following you on your exploration of romantic relationships although I'm pretty sure no one every really figures it out and almost no one ever gets what they really want (but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need)
I also immensely look forward to reading your blog as it unfolds. I think that this is a topic, as pixiegirrl said, that mostly remains a mystery even as we get older and "maturer". I too am fighting the fight, talking trash about relationships, rolling my eyes everytime one of my friends and their signficant other gets into a fight, saying, "boy, thats why I'm single!" But, oh man, the inner me... its blushing and frowning and saying, "Wait, me too, don't forget about me, I want something like that." What a sap. Hopefully, this endeavor of yours will open both our eyes.
im heartened to hear this perspective from someone of the male persuasion...when you've been hurt before, the bitterness creeps in at times no matter what you do. it sucks that we have to go through such things, but it does make you appreciate your next experience that much more.
I just read your "about you" (why or why?) anyway, communist block housing looks a lot like projects to me. Back in the day (Bizmark's day), everybody was trying to solve the "social question." The question was something about what do we do with all these homeless urchins/women/men/old people/harlots, etc. who are unemployed/unemployable/filthy/illiterate/stinky/pathetic/diseased/pitiful/regular people, etc. Industrialization kicked feudalism's ass, but gave us ghettos. Noblis oblige had a new goal and block housing solved one of the problems, or so they thought. So, architects came up with boxes, efficient boxes, and "project" was a good word. The early block housing projects were made well, and even presented at the 1910 World's Fair, got tons of publicity, so, yeah, cheaper and higher versions were created, and projects became a place were poor folks could live, but also became a place where gangs could operate, leading to what we have now, another social problem, and uncheck "solved" on the social question. The communist housing units were modeled after the kinds shown at the 1910 World's Fair and, since the revolution, pretty much remained that way because communist block countries didn't really benefit from making the units cheaper, higher, and uglier. If you like that kind of stuff, look into Bizmark's social reform, kinda cool.
Oh, the 'communist block housing' thing is kind of a joke- i was in the Peace Corps for a short time (I had to come home for reasons beyond my control) in Romania and I lived in a block apartment. I'm not going to lie- they're not good for the spirits. But regardless, I am interested in communist/Leninist architecture; but that which is more in line with the Moscow University building or the People's Parliament Building in Bucharest (the second largest building in the world behind the Pentagon- it took my friends and I over an hour to walk around it). Just NOT the block housing (haha).
Kipp, I have really given up on romance. I was recently involved in a relationship that took on the pretense of a romantic endeavor but turened out to be a hidden door for sex. The sad part about the situation is that some of us are still incredibly naive and we do expect that others might have similar views. I do not have these misconceptions anymore. I feel that there may be someone out there for me..will it be like a Cinderella or Pretty Woman story, probably not...will I give up on love, I won't. But I will definitely give up on the notion that there is such a thing as a romantic relationship.
Kipp,
Very interesting topic of choice. Where do I begin with commenting on this blog. As you describe in the blog I am one where my father was not there in the home. Yes, I have had trouble committing (commitment phobia) because I was afraid that I would be hurt and miserable. You’re probably wondering why was I so afraid of commitment. For starters I have never had the opportunity of witnessing a man and a woman loving one another compassionately (what I believe to be the norm). I too believe that my parents’ lifestyle affected me. I begin to develop a trust issue not only because my father was absence but because guys, men, dudes are so hard to trust today. Why? Maybe little boys or men too grew up without a mother or a father in the home. I’ve had failed relationships but now I ban attest that I am happy with my current boyfriend. I hope that he’s my husband one day. I say do not give up on LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS in adulthood. I have yet to blame my current loving and terrific boyfriend for anything that the last looser caused.
"Yo Adrian!" -
"You got gaps." "I got gaps." "Together we got no gaps."
This probably shouldn't be in quotes as it is not exact, but I seem to remember this snippet of dialogue or something like it from the first Rocky movie. Imagine not being a whole person in your own right and being able to function individually and then meeting another "half" of a person and thinking that together you make a whole person? Sounds like an emotional Frankenstein to me. I see this in groups that are drawn together in an organized way for support of a mutual issue. It doesn't seem to matter that there is an agreement that the support opportunity is just that and not a chance to meet someone. There are those that think people wrestling with an issue will be easier to date than those that aren't. My daughter had a young male friend who had emotional and drug problems. He met a nice girl and when he brought the young lady home his mother said,"Thank God!" "You can take him off my hands and fix him."
I saw this for myself when after my divorce people wanted to fix me up with guys older than my Dad with cancer, O2 tanks, or psych issues. Somehow a divorced woman my age wasn't entitled to a man who didn't require "tending" in some way.
I guess sometimes when people are struggling with something it is a general misconception that getting them fixed up romantically will tie up the loose ends in their life and that way they will be OK.
Relationships are not meant to be used as crutches, salves, splints, or traction. Who we choose to connect with romantically can say a lot aboutwhere we are emotionally and how worthy we think we are to have a whole person in our lives.
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